A Squire's Pain
by oxlabyrinthxo
Summary: Kel has a dangerous habbit, can the least likely save her? Can she melt his ice heart to save him from being lost in hate forever? KelJoren. Read the new A/N it's important I swear.
1. The Chapter without a title

First off I would love to thank my two reviewers, Allimba, and Commander Rhade. Thank you for reading this! You honestly don't know what it means to me that I actually got 2 reviews in less than a week, so for you two only, I have updated today.

Disclaimer- I own as much as I did in the last chappie. Which is the plot and nothing else, it all belongs to Tamora Pierce.

Chapter two: My Lady Squire

Kel stared at her fellow squires who sat with her. _Why do I even bother?_ Kel asked herself. _Because if you don't Joren will find out you lied to him, Goddess he such a dumb ass. _Kel's mind retorted.

Kel sighed for the thousandth time that day and began picking at her food. Leaving her vegetables unattended.

"Eat your vegetables" The table choused.

"No thank you I am fine for today." Kel mumbled.

"Now Keladry, you want to grow up big and strong don't you? Well of course you do, so you must eat your nasty vegetables if you want to fulfill your dream to be a lady knight." Neal said, lecturing her in a mocking way.

"Neal if you like living I highly suggest that you shut the hell up." Kel snapped.

"Well look whose pms-ing," Neal drawled.

"Yes actually I am, now I am going back to my room since the squires have our last day of Mathematics here at this horrible place, I wish to lie down and rest." Kel explained leaving the mess.

Joren who had been watching from the shadows decided he too would take his leave, slipped through the door unnoticed. He walked down the empty hallway he saw her head down moments ago. The moment her turned the corner he saw a glint of silver digging into pale ivory skin, and Kel's sweat crimson blood sliding down her wrist. (A/N Sorry that's a little too detailed but that is how Joren see's it.) He quickly grabbed the knife from Kel's hand and threw it to the side.

"What in the name of the Black God were you doing?" Joren asked.

"That was me trying to end it all." Kel explained bitterly.

"Cutting doesn't help anyone Kel, not even yourself, I know, I use to cut too." Joren admitted.

"You what?" Kel asked, wiping away her tears. She never usually cried but that's what she did now, cried and cut.

"When I was younger my Father beat me, and my mother criticized me. So when I got older I began cutting. I eventually stopped with a lot of help on Paxton's part." Joren said absently as is reliving the whole event over again.

"You cut? Joren but you have the perfect life, the best fighter, the rich guy, the guy who has every girl at his fingertips." Kel said, as if accusing him of lying.

"No Kel, you have the perfect life, a family that loves you, and a great warrior. Plus I don't have every girl." He whispered.

"I'm not a girl, I'm a squire." Kel snapped, hoping to end whatever he was feeling for her.

"No Kel, your not just a girl anymore, girls don't have breast like you do." Joren teased, true, her bust size was quite large, but even so, Kel wasn't laughing.

"I am a squire Joren, not some play toy for you to have sex with then leave." Kel remarked.

"Well Mindelan, look in the mirror, your not a girl, but not a woman. Your not a lady, or a sex toy, your not just a squire, your no one's lover, so then what are you?" Joren asked.

"Keladry of Mindelan." She replied.

"A noble, your more than that Kel." He said hoping to make her dig deeper and find reason to live.

"I'm a growing child who wants to be young and careless, someone who's afraid to be left in the dark because all her friends are leaving her and becoming legends, I'm a Lady knight in training who's in love with her worst enemy." Kel said saying her deepest darkest secret. She immediately covered her mouth in shock at what she said.

"You love me?" He asked slightly taken aback.

"Yes" she said. There was just no use in lying to cover it up.

"Well Keladry you're in luck because I think I am falling in love with you." He whispered before he kissed her passionately on the lips.

Kel broke off the kiss and looked into his lovely ice blue eyes.

"Joren we can't, not here in the hallway, plus we have classes to go to." She said pushing him away.

"Kel we only have math today then we have midwinter break, we could skip it." He suggested as he began kissing her neck.

"Joren, no, I'm not comfortable with this right now, I want time to think about this." Kel said trying to get pasted him.

"Kel, please, I just want to love you." He begged.

"Joren, just try to understand this, you have a reputation of a player and you expect me to just go along with you and have sex and never have a second thought." Kel explained.

"Listen Kel, why would I be trying to help you if all I wanted was sex, like you said, I have many girls at my fingertips." He said. "Besides it's not like it's your first time." He said, then Kel looked away, then it hit him like a ton of hot bricks. "It is your first time, well, well, well, Keladry is a good little girl." Joren mocked.

"Joren, if you love me you'll understand why I'm not ready for this, let's got to class now, we'll be later if we don't go now." Kel explained walking towards where the classes were.

"I understand Kel, but just know it's only because I love you." He said before they headed off to class. Kel smiled slightly thinking of how sweat Joren was, maybe she was ready, but she wasn't willing to bet on it, just yet.


	2. A Broken Heart that the world forgot

Hey everybody, I'm back! Yeah me! I want to thank you all for reviewing, and I am glad some of you actually like this piece of crap I wrote… now onward to the story… by the way this chapter will be a song chapter…

Disclaimer- I own the plot and that's it, Tamora Pierce owns the rest… and Martina McBride owns this song…

Chapter three: "A Broken heart that the world Forgot"

Kel got up; ready to go to her first class of the day, but the best part of being a squire she could skip breakfast. Kel glanced over at her knife, clean and without bloodstains on it. Her mind flashed back to why she kept up with this habit after is happened the first time…

_She walks to school with the lunch she packed, nobody knows what's she's holdin' back, wearing the same dress she wore yesterday, she hides the bruise with a nankeen mask ohhh…_

**_"Oh what a whore Mindelan is!" a court lady committed. The words stung at Kel, and she didn't know why, these comments never bothered her before, so why now, why do they hurt now? Kel put on her "Yamani Mask" and walked away. She wanted to go to the practice courts, but they were under construction till after midwinter, so Kel had no way to releases her anger and frustration… but as she walked into her room she saw the silver blade, calling to her saying "Pick me up!" and "I can stop the pain". It'd worked. Kel was protected from their harsh words as long as she kept this up. Her teachers wondered about her welfare, but they never asked if she was truly alright, they assumed she would come to them, she had done so with Sir Myles several times, but Kel trusted no one with her new secret, not even Neal. She was afraid thy wouldn't understand why she had to do this, why she felt to alone in the world while she's surrounded by people. Kel almost whished she'd never been born, but that was only when she realized how pathetic her life truly was…_**

_The Teacher wonders but she doesn't ask, it's hard to see the pain behind the mask, bearing the burden of a secret storm, sometimes she wishes she was never born…_

Kel frowned at the memory. She couldn't stand this! Grabbing the knife she cut a light cut onto her wrist, all her frustration left her, her head cleared. Kel always felt better after she cut. She was changing, no longer was Kel the girl she was when she first arrived at the palace, she was older, understood pain, but not heartache. Kel never did want to know how that felt. Joren, her mind suddenly remembered. I may love him, but the closer her gets to me, the more it'll all hurt in the end. Plus she'd only make his life miserable in the end.

_Through the wind and the rain she stand hard as a stone in a world that she can't rise above but her dreams give her wings and she flies to a place where she's loved, Concrete Angle…_

Kel couldn't take it any more. She had to cut harder, faster, any thing to numb the pain she felt inside. She cried out in anguish as the knife bit into her flesh. They squires next to her heard her cries, but they all shrugged and went about their business, one on cared about the lady squire, but a certain blond haired blue eyed squire, and secretly a blue eyed sergeant.

Kel wanted to die at that moment, the moment the blade drew blood a second time. No one cared anymore about her, not her friends, Joren was a lie, her knight master never was around, he left her to see Buri for midwinter. Kel was alone, her parents and family was in the Yamani Islands, plus they didn't care. Kel might as well jump off of Balor's Needle.

_Somebody cries in the middle of the night, the neighbors hear but they turn out the light, a fragile soul caught in the hands of fate when morning comes it'll be too late…_

The class bell rang and Kel hurried out of her room, pulling her shirt's sleeve down to hide the marks, Joren would certainly know if she had marks on her arm exactly how they got there. She just whished someone would save her from this darkness, and yet stay away. She wanted to be loved, and hated. Kel was alone and afraid.

_Through the wind and the rain she stands hard as a stone in a world that she can't rise above but her dreams give her wings and she flies to a place where she's loved, Concrete Angle…_

"Kel!" Joren called as she passed him to get to her class.

"Joren, go away, I don't need your help." Kel snapped at him.

"Kel you need help to get through this and if you refuse my help them I'll get Queenscove or Wyldon to help me. Now are you going to listen to me?" Joren inquired. Kel sighed and turned around,

"We're going to be late if you don't hurry up." Kel remarked.

"I want to check your arm, to make sure you haven't been, you know, harming yourself." Joren explained, his hand reaching out for her arm. Kel panicked. No um, I just remembered, I have to help Neal before we get to Mathematics, dory, maybe later?" Kel said running off towards her first class. She sighed as she entered the class. Damn Joren trying to help her. She was so upset yesterday that she wasn't thinking straight, he only would hurt her. He wanted to get close, that way her could break her into becoming a court lady. Kel refused to believe he was telling the truth, she was stone, and had a heart of stone too.

_A statue stand in a shaded place, and angle girl with an upturned face, a name I written on a polished rock, a broken heart that the world forgot…_

Joren watched Kel run away and he sighed. He thought if he could help her, he could stop his own cutting. He'd lied, he never stopped, and he swore he wouldn't till when he wanted to he was too addicted. Damn her! She was making him fall deeper into hell. She didn't understand that her actions had consequences. Why was he in love with her then? Why was that the only emotion he truly felt? Because, his mind reasoned, she's just like you, hiding in the dark. So Joren headed to class, the ice prince, with a heart of ice to, that became even colder as he walked in the opposite direction in which Kel had walked away a few moments ago.

_Through the wind and the rain she stands hard as a stone in a world that she can't rise above but her dreams give her wings and she flies to a place where she's loved, Concrete Angle…_

Kel sighed sadly. She was pushing away these people who only wanted to help her. So why couldn't she let them help? Because they would know your secret and they would use it against you! Her mind screamed back. Kel shook her head and began paying attention to her Mathematics teacher. She was becoming a concrete angle.

Phoenix Guardian of Fire

I want to thank you all who reviewed again, THANKS. Oh yeah H.A.K.A.S, and to alwaysachild … H.A.K.S.M.A.S.! Thanks again!


	3. Broken Midwinter Hearts

Ok now, I would like to thank the fallowing reviewers:

Stuff: um u kind of read the wrong thing, u c I have 18 reviews, well 19 now I have four "chappies" now…. Thanks 4 reviewing!

Commander Rhade: I updated, sorry 4 the wait… thanks 4 reviewing!

Not-Broken: Bitch! Naw just kidding, ur cool… by the way what the hell does H.A.S.S.T.S.A. stand for? And um well not too much sugar… just my weight in Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper and Mountain Dew! Thanks 4 reviewing!

BrokenMiho: Loser! W/E! Thanks for reviewing J.B.

Stormy: Suck up! JK Thanks 4 reviewing!

Booksurfer1500: yep Neal and co are going to make there grand entrance into the fourth chapter of this fic… thanks 4 reviewing!

Hallix: I have updated! This is an improvement for me! I am the biggest air head in the Midwest! Thanks 4 reviewing!

Russ: Thank U! Thank U! Thank U sooooo very much! Thank u so much for saying that, and it's true! Thanks 4 reviewing!

Thanks for the reviews everyone! So for all of u who have bared with me through this fic, this chap is dedicated to ya'll!

Disclaimer: I own the plot and the rest is Tamora Pierce's, and I may slip in my own character in this chap, I'm still deciding….

Kel woke up with the headache from hell. _I guess I deserve this after treating Joren like that yesterday…_ Kel thought, wincing as she sat up. _Maybe I should let him help, but keep it strictly professional, no emotional attachments involved._

"Kel you up yet?" Neal yelled through the door. "I've been knocking for fifteen minutes!"

"I'm up, come on it Neal." Kel said as she got up from her nest of birds and a dog.

Neal walked into her room, and he sat down in his favorite chair and read his philosophy book he kept in Kel's room. They had a routine down, he'd come in, in the mornings and sit down and read while Kel went into her dressing room and changed into some breeches and a shirt and they'd go get their Midwinter presents for everyone. Kel and Neal always waited till the last minute to do anything, so they handed out gifts on they very last day of Midwinter.

"Hey Neal?" Kel asked. He looked at her.

"Get your ass dressed, we have to get at least ten more gifts in like five days!" Neal huffed.

"Neal I want to ask you a question." Kel stated.

"Ask away, just hurry."

"Can I trust you with my most deepest secret?" Kel inquired.

"I'm your best friend, I'd like to think so." He answered to the best of his small minds ability. (Sorry a little bit of Neal bashing, I will not do so in the future, Neal seems like such a sweat heart.)

"Ok, well um, I have been doing something bad and Jo- a _friend_ is helping me stop but I am pushing him away." Kel said.

"What are you doing? Drinking too much? Buying drugs?" Neal asked sarcastically.

"No, I'm cutting," Kel, admitted. Neal dropped his book.

"You what?" Neal cried. Kel showed him the lines that scared her wrists. "Ok whose this friend that's helping you quite this _dangerous_ habit?"

"Joren of Stone Mountain." Kel mumbled hoping he wouldn't hear.

"Stone Mountain? The guy who made our page year a living hell? That son of a bitch snot that kidnapped your maid and put her on Balor's Needle?" Neal asked outraged. "No but the thing that get's me is how you can go to Joren for help and not me, your_ best friend_."

"Neal he found out, originally I wasn't intending to enlighten anyone to my preference to incise (slit open) my wrist." Kel said.

"What?" Neal asked. Kel sighed.

"Joren found out, I wasn't planning on telling anyone about me cutting."

"Oh," Neal said. (A/N I am proud of myself! Thanks to my thesaurus I have written something intelligent! OH somebody tell my mother I'm not a stupid 8th grader who knows nothing!)

"Well, um is Joren's help, helping you to be back to the old Kel?" Neal asked.

"Yes but Neal, I think I'm falling for him." Kel admitted.

"Well then I suggest you get him a Midwinter gift Kel and a damn good one!" Neal teased.

"Your not mad about this?" Kel questioned shocked.

"A little, but what makes you happy and _doesn't_ hurt you, makes me happy, Kel your like a little sister to me." Neal said, _yeah right, I love her more than in a brotherly way, I would marry her if I could… _Neal thought bitterly.

"Thanks Neal you're the best, so um I'll get ready and we'll go." Kel said breaking the awkward silence that had befallen them.

Kel and Neal walked through the crowed streets of Cours, marveled by all the overpriced merchandise.

"Hey Neal do you think Joren would like this?" Kel asked holding up a pair of Yamani steel Sais. (Sais are those things Elektra fights with you know the knife looking things. One is referred to as a Sai. Sai is pronounced like sigh, and Sais is pronounced like sighs.)

"Yeah he loves weapons and shit like that you know" Neal commented.

"Neal thank you I really don't know what I'd do without you," Kel laughed as she gave the man at the shop 3 gold nobles for the Sais.

"Live everyday wondering why it's not worth living without Nealan of Queenscove." Neal teased.

"Probably die happy" a voice chuckled from behind.

"Dom!" Neal said as he shook hands with his cousin.

"Hello Dom, I though you'd be gone with your latest court interest?" Kel laughed.

"No, they're not worth my time right now, I think I'll spend it with you two." Dom said.

"Gee I am so happy we were deemed worthy of your time Master Dom" Neal said sarcastically. Kel laughed silently. The two cousins were two of her closest friends, along with Owen, Merric, Cleon, Lalasa, Prosper, Seaver, Yukimi, Shinkokami, Roald, and Kasidy. (Yeah finally my own character!)

_Kasidy_, Kel though. Kasidy was Kel's best friend in the Yammani Islands. Kasidy or Kasi, or Kas was a Yamani lady, a warrior and a girl. She was the best, although Kel hadn't heard from Kasidy since her family had left the Yamani Islands.

"Kel?" Dom snapped Kel out of her daydream.

"What?" Kel asked.

"You ok, you seem, I don't know pale." Dom stated.

"I'm fine, um Neal I have all my shopping done, and I mean all of it." Kel said. "So I'm going back to wrap these son's of bitches and send them to those who claim they are our friends."

"See you later Kel." Dom said.

"Meet you at the ball with the rest of the gang?" Neal asked. Kel nodded her answer.

Joren watched Kel come back from the market. _I'll show that ungrateful bitch! _Joren thought venomously.

Kel wrapped all her gifts and had the servants send them. _Wow, so this is what it's like not to worry about having it all done at the last second!_ Kel considered sarcastically.

The ball lasted for hours. Kel hadn't seen Joren all night; she supposed he was still sour from their previous encounter. Kel danced with all her friends and Dom twice. Sure she liked the sergeant she was falling for a blonde hair ice bye eyed squire.

Kel finally spotted the white blonde haired male, but he was not alone, a shapely red head accompanied him. Her heart broke. Neal saw what Joren had done. _Damn him!_ Neal and Dom both thought at the same time. The love triangle had turned into a square.

Wow! 3 pages, 1,284 words, 5,865 characters (no spaces), 7,163 characters (with spaces), 60 paragraphs, 134 lines, not including this little not here! Review please!


	4. A complicated triangle

Thank you to all who reviewed. Sorry about the wait for chapters but somewhere in my bio it says I was unable to do regular updates. You were warned I was a little well, I have been busy babysitting cause my uncle has cancer again and I appreciate your patience.

Disclaimer- I own the plot and Kasidy. Tamora Pierce owns the rest.

Chapter five: Mending Broken Hearts

Joren turned around blue eyes hunting for the lady squire. When his eyes met hers he wasn't prepared for what he saw. He saw he beautiful hazel eyes well up with tears as she turned away from his face. Neal and Dom lead her away to the gardens along with Yuki and Shinko. All at once Joren's heart melted and broke. He caused the one person he loved pain and now here he was leading on a red headed girl whose name escaped him.

"Joren darling are you alright, maybe we should go before my father sees us." The woman suggested.

"I don't think so…" Joren stopped he almost called the lady before him Keladry.

"Adrienne, my name is Adrienne, remember Joren?" She asked quietly.

"Right Adrienne, listen maybe we shouldn't, your father wouldn't approve…" Joren tried to think of a good excuse.

"There's someone else isn't there? Isn't there? You led me on for your own amusement, and you think that I'm going to feel happy for you because you have found the love of your life, don't you?" She shrieked. Adrienne slapped Joren on the face and left. She walked out of the ballroom. She vowed to marked Joren and his lover's life miserable. She swore to all the gods in the realms, she Lady Adrienne would ruin whatever relationship Joren of Stone Mountain had left.

"Joren what in the Black Gods' name is wrong with you?" Garvey asked Joren. "Lady Adrienne is the most beautiful woman at court and you just ruined any chance of bedding her! Have you completely lost your mind?"

"No, I think I've fallen in love with someone and I can't even think of another woman aside from her." Joren explained.

"What? You've fallen in love? Joren listen as your friend I am telling you falling in love is for-" Garvey was cut off by a servant.

"Milord, this was sent to you, it's a Midwinter gift." The servant said handing Joren a neatly wrapped package. There was a piece of paper folded in half attached to it, Joren read it.

Joren – I really hope you like these, Neal thinks you will because you like the fighting arts so much. I am really sorry about the other day I know you were just trying to help thank you so much though for your help, meet me at the palace stables later tonight, around midnight. I am really honestly sorry. Joren I think I'm in love with you.

Keladry of Mindelan

Joren read the letter once more before folding it up and putting it into his breeches pocket. Then Joren carefully unwrapped the package. The sight that met his eyes was shocking, Yamani steel sais. They were a rare weapon in Tortall, and they Raven armory to. How'd Kel afford this? Garvey gasped when he saw the weapons.

"Wow Joren did your father get you those?" he asked.

Joren shock his head, "She gave me this." He whispered.

"Who is 'she'?" Garvey asked.

"K-the girl I've fallen in love with." Joren said.

"Who is this girl? Joren can you tell me that?" Garvey inquired.

"I can't tell you Garvey, she's too special, and you hate her anyway." Joren snapped at the question.

"I only hate one girl at court and that's the- wait your in love with Lady Squire Keladry of Mindelan?" Garvey asked.

"Yes Garvey I'm madly in love with the lady squire," Joren admitted, waiting for the yelling. It never came.

"Wow, well she doesn't look so bad anymore, she's probably prettier that most women at court." Garvey reasoned.

"Wait you-your not going to yell at me saying she's nothing but a no good whore who looks like a cow?" Joren questioned surprised.

"No you love her it wouldn't be right besides Keladry must really love you back to give you that." Garvey observed.

"WHAT!" a voice shrieked. "You cannot love Keladry of Mindelan, you are Stone Mountain, a cold heartless bastard, and Kel's my friend." Cleon yelled at the two squires who were a year his senior.

"I am not heartless, I love her!" Joren yelled at Cleon. Throwing the first punch. Cleon blocked the punch and kicked Joren's legs from beneath him. Joren landed onto the floor hard.

Neal, Dom and Kel saw the commotion from where they were sitting. Neal looked Kel over carefully before nodding to Dom. The two men left to assist Cleon in the fight.

"Your such a bastard," Neal said coolly. "You act like you love Kel then you break he heart by walking out with a red headed slut from the convent. Do you have any sense what so ever?"

"But I was only doing that to make her jealous because I thought she loved you" Joren protested.

"Dom, will you go and get Kel out of here, I don't want her to see s kill the cheating bastard." Neal ordered. Dom obeyed for once, no complaining or sarcastic remarks. Dom loved Kel too much to hurt her like Joren.

Dom walked over to Kel and took her arm, leading her out into the gardens. "Hey Kel, I am sorry he did that to you, if her would sink so low as to doing that, then he doesn't deserve you at all Kel." Dom apologized.

"Dom you don't have to apologize to me, it was his fault, it's not like you paid him to do that, you didn't did you?" Kel asked.

"No, like I would ever want to see you sad, Kel I like you, a lot, and-and…" Dom stuttered.

"And so does everyone else, Dom I know people care about me, which is beyond me." Kel admitted.

"No Kel I love you, I swear to the Goddess I am telling the truth." He added when he saw her face.

"What is it about Midwinter that makes people feel the need to confess their undying love for me." Kel teased right before Dom's lips met hers.

**Meanwhile**

Joren looked around for an escape. Why did he have to assume that Kel was with Neal? Why couldn't he just realize that maybe they were sharing a brother/ sister type moment. But he was here, about to be beaten worse than anything his father ever did to him. Here Cleon and Neal were going to kill him and Garvey had probably fallowed Dom and Kel to tell him what that bastard was doing to his Kel. 'Wait since when was she **my** Kel?' Joren thought. Then he turned back to see Neal glaring at him. 'Oh no I'm dead'. Joren thought. No one knew who threw the first punch but a fight broke out between Cleon, Neal and Joren. And they were fighting for more than because Joren hurt Kel, they were fighting to win Kel, but little did they know a certain-blue eyed sergeant had captured her heart. The love triangle became a little more complicated.


	5. Prophecy edited version

The King's Guard ran to break up the fight between the squires. Raoul noticed that  
the brawling youth were Kel's friends, and his squire was nowhere in sight.

"Stop this now!" King Jonathan bellowed. Everything fell silent. Object clatters nosily to the marble floor. Neal, Cleon, and Joren looked at the King and the many guardsmen that surrounded them._ Why it is that no one's ever gotten caught fighting before, but now that it's us, of course we get caught. Next time I'll fight far away in the forest so I can hide the bodies_. Joren thought darkly as he and the others awaited their punishment.

"Never have I seen squires behave like this in front of so many significant members of the court. You will each write a letter of apology to every man, woman, and child in attendance." Jonathan said. Wyldon nodded agreeing upon the punishment.

"Your Majesty may I have permission to question them?" Paxton of Nond asked.

"Yes Paxton do as you like." Jon waved him off and rubbed his aching  
temples. Paxton smiled. He'd get to the bottom of this in no time.

"Now, squires, what caused this fight?" Paxton asked as Inness and Alanna  
came over to see their squires.

"A girl," Cleon said glancing at his knight-master, fear apparent in his  
eyes.

"What girl?" Alanna hissed. Neal physically shaking at her words.

"Kel." Joren said. Why did he have to be such an ass and do that? Why was he  
even angry with her when he should be angry with himself? Questions that varied vastly in nature of his customary design burst into Joren's mind as he stood there waiting for the  
yelling and the pain to once again plague his body.

"You love her, don't you?" Inness asked quietly.

"What's it to you?" Joren snapped.

"Well actually it's a matter of state now" Myles said stepping from the  
shadows.

"What do you mean, Sir Myles?" Joren asked.

"Well there is a prophecy we need to discuss, Alanna go retrieve Kel and  
Domitan of Masbolle if you would?" Myles asked his daughter.

Alanna headed off to find the two when a thought stuck her: the gardens!  
Alanna reached the gardens to find Dom and Kel sitting on a bench, the same  
bench that she and Jonathan sat on so long ago. She shook her head to clear away the memories.  
"Kel, Dom, we need you in Myles' office right now. Follow me please." Alanna  
began walking away and the two followed, unknowingly getting themselves involved in  
something far worse than anyone could have thought.

When they all arrived to Myles' office the others were pouring over an ancient document. "What's going on?" Alanna asked.

"Well, Alanna; Dom, Keladry, nice of you to join us, this is the prophecy  
written by the seer Tamari, she foresaw the end of everything good and the  
beginning of the age of darkness. It says quote 'When the heir of darkness  
is born to the Protector of The Small and the Ice Prince of Stone Mountain  
she will destroy her twin the heir of light. But if she is killed the moment  
she is born all will fare well, but if the Protector and the Prince fail  
this task, all will fall.'" Myles read.

"Kel you and Joren are the ones written about in this prophecy I'm sure."  
Paxton said.

"Why is life so cliché?" Neal asked, burying his head into his hands. Kel  
sighed; only something like this would happen to her. Dom noticed her groan  
and glanced at Joren who was glaring at him. Dom winced, and turned away from Joren's perfected death stare.

"Well, I think we should heed the prophecy," Alanna reasoned. "Tamari was  
well known for her visions to come true."

"True but we also know that visions can be misinterpreted, you of all  
people, Alanna, should know that the future is not set; sure there are some events that will proceed regardless of mortal decisions." Myles rambled. Kel and Joren glanced at each other. Kel planned to avoid the blue-eyed boy as much as humanly possible. He was trouble and she knew it. Joren, on the other hand, intended to be her shadow. He would not let a prophecy written by a dead woman  
scare him out of loving the lady squire, ever.


	6. Important

Hello to everyone out there! Okay first off I know how pissed off y'all get when you see that the update for a story is a crappy author's note, and I do apologize. However, after some soul searching, and re-reading this monstrosity, I've decided to re-write A Squire's Pain to fix some of the OOC moments, as well as just because I'm kind of embarrassed of how awful this is (I was like eleven when I started this, I'm 19 now, I'm so old now =]). Anyways I'm going to fix this and hopefully finish it, I make no promises because I have a tendency to drop projects before they're finished, but I'd appreciate it if my faithful reviewers would try and keep me going, but remember, if you can't say something nice don't say anything at all. If you're trying to be constructive about your criticism that's one thing, but hurtful comments or "flames" are not appreciated. EVER!


	7. Chapter 1 Revised

A Squire's Pain

By oxlabyrinthxo

Disclaimer- Don't own, don't sue!

Chapter One (Revised)

"It takes more courage to reveal insecurities than to hide them, more strength to relate to people than to dominate them, more 'manhood' to abide by thought-out principles rather than blind reflex. Toughness is in the soul and spirit, not in muscles and an immature mind." - Alex Karras

Sometimes she thought she did it to prove herself, surely a knight must be able to inflict pain as well as take it. Other times she was aware that she had a problem, the near euphoric state the blade sliding across skin caused; leaving streaks of blood to stain bandages later, but what she reasoned was the main reason she regularly inflicted pain upon herself was to feel. So many years of Yamani training had taught the young squire to fear and hide her emotions – to bottle them up until they slowly devoured her soul. That was the real reason someone like Kel, strong willed and so sure of her dreams, could partake in self-mutilation. It was on one snowy evening that our story begins.

Winter had descended upon Tortall abruptly, leaving no trace of warmth in its wake. Such weather caused even the hardiest of soldiers of the Own thankful for their commander's orders to return to the palace. Even the stoic Kel forgave her body for betraying her by shaking to maintain warmth.

"You know if you would just scoot yourself on over here you would be much warmer," Dom commented dryly one evening. They were a day and a half ride from the palace, and had made camp for the night. Dom and a few others from the Third Company, along with Kel, sat around a fire, huddled in their cloaks and blankets for warmth.

"I'm alright." Kel assured, but Dom moved next to her anyways, refusing to suffer her stubbornness and pride. He wrapped an arm around her shoulder to keep her in place.

"I'm cold too you know." Dom acknowledged.

"So you're invading my personal space under the guise of keeping me warm, when _you're_ the one that's cold?" Kel teased. Dom shot her a mock look of hurt.

"Don't injure my pride Lady Squire." Kel was aware that the Sergeant was flirting with her but if she was being honest with herself she had developed something of a crush on the blue-eyed gentleman, and was delighted by his attention.

"Dom," a warning growl as his hand slowly slid from her shoulder and towards a more inappropriate destination. "I swear I'll have Lord Roaul make you his jousting partner." She threatened.

"Alas my hand has a mind of its own and-"

"Is that mind in your breeches Sergeant?" one soldier joked. Dom glared at the man, and promptly removed his arm from Kel. She was secretly sad at the loss of contact but said nothing.

"Get to bed!" A voice rang out, belonging to Lord Roaul. "Mithros help you if any of you are late tomorrow." The threat was clear; men scattered to obey the Knight and Commander of the King's Own. Dom escorted Keladry towards her tent, when she noticed this she turned to give him a reproachful look. He returned her look with an innocent smile.

"Is there a problem Kel?" Dom asked sweetly.

"Yes, your tent is in the other direction Dom," Kel answered.

"Is it so wrong of me to escort a young lady to her quarters on a cold winter's night?" Dom inquired, still maintaining a look of innocence.

"I suppose it depends on the intentions for escorting said girl to her tent." She returned. Dom dropped the charade and winked at her, a mischievous glint in his eyes.

"I'm only concerned for your well-being fair Keladry, Meathead would never let me hear the end of it if I let you take ill." Dom said. Kel mentally sighed; she had hoped that he had other reasons than simply appeasing Neal.

"Well I'm quite capable to take care of myself Dom," Kel argued as they approached her tent. She hesitated at the flap, and turned to face him. "But thanks all the same Dom." She gave a half smile in return to his wicked grin. He kissed her hand and bade her goodnight before turning to leave for his own tent. Kel hastily entered her tent, and sat down on her bedroll, refusing to allow herself to read into Dom's intentions and actions.

Out of habit she glanced around her, all her animals were asleep, the baby griffin, Jump, the sparrows, all asleep. She quietly took out her knife and rolled up her sleeve. Adrenaline flowed through her veins at the thought of the pain the knife would bring, of the feeling. She sat the knife against her arm, just beneath the bend of her elbow, and pressed. She waited breathlessly for a moment before a line of red bloomed from the pressure and movement of the blade. Kel smiled to herself as she cleaned her knife and went about cleaning and bandaging her cut. This was her refuge, the outlet to all her frustrations. When she was satisfied with her work she curled up in her bedroll and let sleep take her.

So what do you think? Better? Worse? Let me know!


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